Jadism
by demondreaming
Summary: I can feel the adrenaline racing through my veins, and what this started out as... it's changed, because I wouldn't choose to be this rough if Cat didn't like it so much. Rated M for smut and sadism. Cade.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: If I owned Victorious, you couldn't watch it on TV. As you can and it is, I don't.**

I slam Cat up against the wall, knocking the breath from her fragile form. She moans softly, partly from pain and partly from pleasure, and I anchor my lips to hers forcefully, pulling the breath from her and not letting her regain it. My hands are rough in their conquest, pushing up under her top, impatient to reach her flesh, and she shudders against me.

It's hard to know when it started. It just sort of happened one day. I'd been in a rough spot with Beck, and I'd gone to the auditorium to just sort of sit and think. Well, sit and think myself into a rage. I'd just wanted to be alone, but then Cat had walked in, peering about like some demented bird. Cat's a sweetheart, sure, but I was _not_ in the mood for her cheeriness. She knew I was upset, but instead of leaving she started chattering away in her soft voice, telling me everything was going to be okay. But all that was running through my mind was Beck, over and over again. What were we fighting about? Cat. Beck had made some stupid comment about how cute Cat was when she did her impression of so and so, and I'd basically told him to go and fuck her if he wanted, and that I was sure she'd be up for it.

So I overreact sometimes. Hindsight's always twenty twenty, but all I knew right then was that I was pissed at Beck and here was the very reason of our fight chattering away, trying to comfort me. I just... I just wanted to get revenge, to sort of one-up Beck in an imaginary contest. I'd cut her off mid-sentence, leaning over and crushing my lips against hers. Just to beat Beck to it, I thought. There was nothing soft, or caring about the kiss, it was just a big 'fuck you' to Beck, but Cat had turned to a pile of speechless jelly, and I'd found myself liking the taste of her, liking the way she quivered against me. She'd pulled away eventually to take a breath, panting slightly, and I could see the confusion in her eyes, mixed with lust. It was oddly alluring, and I'd moved to kiss her again almost immediately, a little softer this time, teasing her.

That's sort of how it started, as a stupid revenge against an imaginary slight, but it turned into something else. What was only meant to happen once, what was a mistake, kept happening again and again. There was something addictive about Cat, something incredibly hot about this secret we had, that she couldn't tell anyone because she was scared I'd stop. Power's the greatest aphrodisiac, and Cat was putty in my hands. I don't love her; that's not what this is. I don't know what it is, but it's cruel, and rough, and all I know is that she loves it. Sweet little Cat loves getting dominated, loves getting thrown about to the point of bruising. And every time it happened, it got just that little bit more rough, that little bit more sadistic, even as I started finding myself wanting to do the opposite, to actually be a bit gentler.

So here I am now, nipping at her neck until she gasps and I capture her in a cruel kiss, taking her bottom lip into my mouth and biting down hard until she moans, and until I taste the metallic tang of blood. I can feel the adrenaline racing through my veins, and what this started out as... it's changed, because I wouldn't choose to be this rough if Cat didn't like it so much. I move my hand up under her top, slipping under a cup of her bra and finding the hardened nipple within. I rub my thumb over it, softly at first, Cat's hips twitching against me, before pinching it between my fingers until she moans, biting her bloody lip and panting my name. I increase the pressure until her hips are pushing against me and she's almost pleading me, begging me to just fuck her already.

She's never asked me to stop. She's never asked me to be gentler. The rougher I am, the more she responds, and she's never once asked what this is. She's just accepted it, accepted the rules I've laid down. Her goddamn pliability, her goddamn submissiveness... it's such a turn on, to know that I can have her whenever, wherever, and not have to worry about her feelings or anything. Sure, I feel guilty about Beck... but... whatever this is, I can't stop. I'll be sitting in class, trying to do my work, and I'll look up and there's Cat, looking so sweet and innocent and clueless, and all I can see is how she screams when I fuck her, how she moans when I bite her, and it drives me crazy. To know that under that dreamy demeanour there's this animal that'll beg me to go harder, to hurt her.

I move my hand to push apart her legs, dragging my knuckles up the inside of her tanned thighs until I reach her panties, pushing her skirt up. It amazes me, as always, how wet she is, how much all this turns her on. I kiss her again, and she meets me eagerly, her mouth tasting like blood and a little like chocolate, and just like her, it seems incongruous. I move aside her panties, finding her quickly and thrusting my fingers inside her roughly. I know it must hurt, and she lets out a strangled sob, gasping for breath, but she never says a word, only tightens her grip on me. I curl my fingers inside her, pushing them so hard into her that she bumps against the wall with every movement and she's making these uncontrollable sounds, her eyes flickering shut and her teeth biting down on her already-mangled lip. She's gushing over my hand, hot and wet, growing slicker and slicker, and I pump my fingers inside her faster, grunting, wanting to feel her stiffen against me. I crush my lips against hers, pressing her tight against the wall. I want to feel her when she comes. I add a third finger, and she bucks into me, trying to gasp a breath against my lips. I bite down on her bottom lip again, reopening the wounds, releasing it when I feel her body tense and seize up, pressing up against me, a muffled cry vibrating into my mouth. I don't lessen my pace, thrusting inside her harder if anything, prolonging her climax until she's sobbing into my mouth, her body trembling, held up only by mine pinning her to the wall. I pull my fingers out of her quickly as she comes down, so that she whimpers at the sudden loss of sensation. I'm panting, the taste of her blood thick in my mouth, the essence of her slick on my hand. Cat's panting too, her lips stained red, and she leans forward, kissing me softly, tenderly until she has to break away to take a breath.

She's never rough with me. She's never scratched my back, bit my lip or pushed against me more than her body demands her to. She's always been gentle. When she kisses me, it's like a lover does, and I can't see how she can do that. How she can not fight back, how she can still kiss me with such tenderness while she's bleeding from a wound I _made_. But she never kisses me unless it's after, right after, in those few minutes while we're still pressed together, recovering. She knows it's the only time she can get away with it. She's never touched me, never so much as even had her hand up my shirt, and she's never really tried to. It's part of the rules.

I push myself off her, swiping my mouth with my other hand, wiping my slick one off on her skirt. "Are you still bleeding?" I ask, gesturing to her lip.

Cat puts a hand to it, touching it and examining her bloody fingertips. "I think it's stopping."

"Good." I leave the room, her scent still swirling around me, and ring Beck as I get to my car. "Hey, I'm coming round."

I usually see Beck after I'm done with her. It's like I need to prove to myself that what I have with her doesn't mean anything, because of what I have with Beck, to prove that what I feel for her isn't anything compared to what I feel for Beck. That it's nothing, just this thing I can't seem to stop doing.

It _is_ nothing. But I can't stop.

**A/N: This was just gonna be a oneshot, but I have a couple more ideas for it, so it might be three chapters altogether.**

**However, I let you guys influence me entirely too much, so please review and tell me what you think. It was hot, right? Yeah it was hot XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: If I knew French, I'd write this disclaimer in French. But I don't. So... yeeeahhh. Don't own Victorious, or a knowledge of the French language.**

"Are you even listening to me?"

I tear my eyes away from Cat, turning to Beck. It's lunchtime, but I've had my eyes on Cat all day. I've glimpsed the bruises under her short sleeves, and I know they're in the shape of my fingertips.

I throw my french fry down, back into the container. It was only a distraction anyway. "What?"

Beck sighed. "I thought so. I asked if you wanted to go bowling tonight."

I shrug, turning to study Cat again. "I don't know. Maybe."

She's chatting away to Tori and Andre, that sweet little smile on her face, but every time she takes a bite of her sandwich I see her wince just slightly, and I know it's because of me. She glances over at me sometimes, and that smile, that fucking smile is so goddamn inviting. It gets me all worked up for her. How can she look so innocent? I made her come, I threw her into a wall and fucked her, and she still looks like she wouldn't know the first thing about fucking. She's like a toy you can't break, and she is a toy, really. She's my toy, and God knows I wanna play with her again.

Everything about her is addictive, and I'm needing her more and more. Every noise she makes, every movement of her body, every expression on her face when I touch her... it drives me crazy, even just remembering it all. I have to have her. I can't wait until school's over. I need her now. And the best part? I _can_ have her. She never, ever says no. I don't really like hurting her... at least, not as much as she enjoys being hurt, but I do love torturing her, making her beg for me, making her go insane with want.

The bell chimes, and everyone shoulders their packs wearily. I tell Beck I'll be there in a minute, and to save me a seat. Cat hangs back too, pretending not to notice me until everyone's gone. "How's your lip?" I gesture at her.

A smile turns up the corners of her lips. "It'll heal."

I lead her to the girl's bathroom. It's cliché, but it's all part of my plan. Cat... well, she's awoken things in me I didn't know I had. I've never hurt Beck, I've never been rough with him... I've never seen what someone would get out of hurting someone else. I just thought those people were sick fucks who ended up being serial killers. But I get it now. I don't like hurting people... physically, but Cat... she wants it, and this... this _power_ I feel in making her beg, in making her bleed... it's intoxicating.

I push her into the disabled stall... if I'm gonna fuck her in school, I might as well go the whole hog. Plus it's the biggest stall. I lock the stall door behind us, and when I turn to her she's already waiting, already anticipating what I'm going to do to her. I don't see what she gets out of it, besides physical pleasure. I don't see how she can like being thrown about, being bitten to the point of bleeding. I don't see how that can turn her on. In fact, I don't know why she puts up with this at all. We're not in a relationship... I never say I love her, and God knows I'm not any nicer to her. I've thought about it a lot, and I just don't get it, but as long as she likes it, I'll keep doing it.

I back her into the stall wall, pressing my body tight against hers, and it's an actual relief, because I'm getting more and more hooked on her. I kiss her forcefully, using my teeth sparingly. The trick is to hurt her, but not hurt her so much that she needs medical attention. That leads to some awkward questions, and Cat can only 'trip and bite her lip' so many times before someone notices the teeth marks are around the wrong way. No, I've planned something different today, plotted it out in my mind while I've been watching her, feeling this need grow.

I smile against her lips, moving my hand down along her body teasingly. "Guess what Cat?"

She takes a hitched breath as I flick my thumb over her clothed nipple. "What?"

"We're in school." I say in an almost sing-song voice. "And you know what that means?" I feel Cat swallow hard as I kiss my way down her neck, sucking lightly on her pulse point.

"What does it mean?" She says softly, and I pull back, satisfied at her eyes darkened with lust, her pupils dilated.

"It means that if you make a sound," I brush my fingers lightly up the inside of her thigh. "Even one little peep, I'll stop." I take my hand away from her, bringing a finger to my lips. "Not a sound." Cat watches me intently, and I know she'll do what I say. She doesn't want me to stop. I run my hand teasingly over the front of her panties, rubbing lightly. She _definitely_ doesn't want me to stop, if her underwear are any indication.

I'm looking forward to this, to seeing her struggle not to make a sound. There's something exquisite about degrading someone like Cat, someone so sweet and innocent. There's something exquisite about making her want it, and it makes me grit my teeth and draw everything out just to feed this addiction I have, to make it last and to make it become unbearable for her.

I kiss her again, taking her bottom lip into my mouth and tugging on it gently until she winces. I back off from her a little, pushing her sleeves up until I can see the dark purple bruises spattered across her shoulders, little dark dabs where I've grabbed her, and I press my fingertips into them, making her breath catch as the pain throbs through her. She's like a work of art, and one that I'm slowly defacing.

I've got to be quick, but I need to touch her, to build her up, so I push my hands up under her blouse along the smooth, creamy skin, my fingers wriggling their way over her ribs and under her bra to cup her small, firm breasts. If there was time I'd use my mouth... I've left bitemarks on her breasts before, and I'll admit, it's one of my favourite things to do. As it is, I flick my thumbs rapidly over her nipples, making her hips jerk into me, her breath stuttering out, and I can see her biting her lip, suppressing a moan. I increase the pressure until she's arching into me, almost pushing me back, before I pull my hands out of her top, prying her legs apart instead. If I look down, I can see the stripes my fingers have made on her skin, where I've forced her legs apart before. If I looked even closer, I could see a bitemark high on her inner thigh. She's a canvas I love to paint.

I tiptoe my fingertips over the front of panties, barely making contact with her, smirking as I feel her twitch, hear her swallow audibly. I decide to help her out a little, rubbing over the front of her underwear for a few seconds, just long enough for her to spread her legs wider, to push herself into me, wanting more friction. I force her hips back into the stall wall with my own, hard, and she whimpers softly, biting her lip to muffle the sound. I grab hold of her chin, tilting her head up roughly and kissing her, thrusting my tongue into her mouth and running it over her teeth, wanting to taste her. Cat exhales hard through her nose, meeting me with just as much passion, leaning up into me, her hands linked behind my neck. And there's just something about it, just something in it that strikes a chord in me. That I'm dominating her, that I can hurt her as much as I want, that I can force her to do anything I ask, that she's helpless before me. She's powerless, but at the same time, it'd only take one word from her to stop me, one cry of pain that didn't have pleasure in it to make me back off. So it's not so much that she's powerless, it's that she's choosing to let herself be powerless. She's giving herself to me, and that's something no one's ever done, not even Beck.

It's silent in the bathroom but for the sound of Cat's ragged breathing. It's like music to me, and I choose what note to play next. I push aside her panties, moving to touch her directly, and her breath hitches as I find her clitoris, stroking the sensitive nub. Her breath catches in her throat as she bucks against me, trying not to moan I roll the hardened nub between my fingers, Cat closing her eyes and throwing her head back, her breath shortening as she fights not to make a sound. I anchor my lips to her exposed throat, sucking on her pulse point, dragging my teeth over the soft flesh. I can feel her heart pounding against my lips, and I increase the pressure of my fingers, squeezing lightly until she whimpers despite herself. I know I could get her off just doing this... in fact, I've done it before, in situations when I've wanted to fuck her but hadn't the luxury of time.

I pull back a little, wanting to study her face. Her eyes are shut tight, and she's biting her lip hard, her breathing ragged. I move my fingers down, pausing until she opens her eyes, pupils huge and dark, glazed with lust. The thing about Cat is, she loves, _loves_ to be penetrated. I _could_ get her off just rubbing her clit, but I've seen how she reacts when I thrust my fingers inside her; it strikes some primitive and primal chord in her, and it drives her wild. She just loves the fact that I'm inside her, she's told me herself, and it sent shivers down my spine then, as it does now.

Usually I'd surprise her, catch her off-guard, but I want her to see, I want her to know what I'm about to do. I position my fingers, pausing as Cat takes my other hand with both of hers, panting. She presses it across her mouth, holding it there for a moment until I understand, a smile quirking my face. She wants me to be her gag, to stop her making a sound, and I'm more than happy to oblige. I thrust my fingers into her suddenly, Cat's cry muffled by my hand, her breath dampening my palm. I don't let her get used to it, making the pace hard and fast, keeping her breathless.

I turn my head as I hear the bathroom door swing open, hissing as it closes. I falter in my rhythm, but don't stop, Cat's breath still fluttering against my hand. I hear a few hesitant footsteps, coming closer, and I slow my pace, keeping an eye on Cat, panic and arousal in her eyes. "Jade? Are you in here?"

I grin. It's Tori. "What do you want?" I call out over the door, changing my rhythm inside Cat, pulling out slowly before thrusting in hard, forcing her breath out every time. It's not gonna make her come quickly, but it's gonna build it and make it unbearable for her.

"Sikowitz sent me to look for you and Cat. Have you seen her?"

I smirk, looking at Cat, my hand pressed across her mouth. "Sure. I'm fucking her right now." Cat's eyes widen.

"What?"

"I said I don't fucking know."

Cat whimpers involuntarily as I thrust into her particularly hard, forcing her hips back into the stall wall with a thud.

"What was that?" Calls Tori, walking closer.

I grin smugly at Cat. "Say, I think Cat said she was going to get something from the vending machine."

Cat swallows hard as she struggles to drag in a breath.

"We have a vending machine?"

"It's near the basketball stadium." I say cheerily, adding another finger to the now-writhing Cat, her chest heaving as she fights to take in breath without making a sound.

"We have a basketball stadium?" Tori says, puzzled.

"Fuck off Tori." I say sweetly.

"O-okay." I can tell she's outraged, but she's too much of a wimp to really stand up to me. Yet, anyway.

I take my hand off Cat's mouth as the door swings shut again, Cat sucking in huge breaths, unable to keep from moaning as I move my fingers inside her. I know all her sweet spots. I can make come a dozen different ways, but it's all about the journey. I kiss her again, grinning. Tori added an unexpected element, one that turned out to be extremely satisfying. Seeing Cat panic, even while she still pushed against me, her hips grinding forward into me... I repeat, extremely satisfying.

Cat bites down on her lip again, her back arching up off the wall as I increase my pace, positioning my thumb so that it hits her clit on every thrust, and I feel the muscles in her arms tense against my neck, her hands still linked behind it. She screws her eyes shut, her breath coming short and quick, and I can hear her voice in it. It spurs me on, and I throw my body hard into her as I thrust again, wiggling my fingers inside of her and pushing her over the edge. It knocks the breath out of her, her whole body tightening as she pulses around my fingers, gushing hotly. She chokes out a breath, pushing herself forward, her lips against my neck, and I can hear her whispering words I can't quite make out, along with a soft, low moan that's almost like a sob. Ugh, that sound... feeling her come... it sends a shiver through my body, like a dog shaking water off, raising goosebumps all over me. It's the high I feel.

I pull my fingers out of her, moving back, Cat's hands behind my neck stopping me. She lets out a nervous breath, leaning up to kiss me. She should be nervous. I've said she only kisses me after, but it's only if I let her. I've turned my face away from her before, her lips grazing my jaw, and I've seen the disappointment, not that she's ever said anything. It's only when I'm panting against her, as spent as she is, that she can do that, and I'm not panting now. Still... something in me lets her kiss me this time, her lips meeting mine tenderly, so sincerely, and it's the complete opposite of how I kiss her. For some reason, I want to kiss her like she's kissing me, because I wonder what it's like, kissing her like a lover, like I've found myself tempted to lately. So I respond, softly, gently, our lips caressing lightly, and this, _this_ is what it really feels like to kiss Cat.

I push away from her, breaking the kiss and her hold on me and turning to unlock the stall door, moving to wash my hands in the sink, slick with her. Cat lingers in the stall, smoothing her hair and adjusting her clothes. "I'll see you in class." I say briefly, looking at her in the mirror. She nods, her eyes downcast, a little furrow between them.

As I walk back to class, I let my mind drift back to that kiss. It was nice... so that's what it's like to kiss Cat, to really _kiss _her, and I wonder... what would it be like to fuck her how I've been wanting to? Because as much as I love hurting her, I _do_ want to be gentler. And the rules... the rules I set down to keep this thing whatever it is... I'm starting to break them, more and more.

Cat knows what this is, but I'm not so sure I do anymore.

**A/N: I'll give you a moment to recover.**

…

…

**Okay! Now, I've had the suggestion made to write a chapter in Cat's POV, and I can definitely see doing it, but I thought I'd ask your opinion. Yes you. And for Christ's sake, put some pants on.**

**...At least one of us has to.**

**So review, and let me know, even if it's just to pant and make suggestive suggestions at me. After all, what else is the internet for?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Victorious. I don't even wanna say anything else.**

Beck rolls off me, panting. He lies beside me, planting a gentle kiss on my shoulder. "Are you okay?" He says softly, propping his head up with a hand and studying me.

I frown. "Yeah. Why?"

He shrugs, smiling. "You just seemed... distracted."

I kiss him gently to reassure him, but the truth is... I was distracted. Even as he pushed inside me while I made all the right sounds, I wasn't really there. Because sleeping with Beck... it's not the same as it used to be. It's missing something. He's as kind and caring as he's always been, doing his best to make me come... but it wasn't the same. There was no passion, no fire. We don't fuck, we make love.

It frustrates me, and I get up off the bed, picking my clothes up from where they're scattered on his trailer floor. Beck watches me, a concerned look on his face. "Where are you going?"

I shrug, pulling my underwear on. "I don't know. Home."

Beck sits up, frowning. I go over to him, giving him a light kiss, and he cups my cheek with his hand, staring into my eyes. "Where are you?"

I shrug out of his grip, forcing a smile. "I'm here. I'm just... tired."

Beck sighs, letting me go. "You could always sleep here."

I comb my fingers through my hair, zipping my jeans and smoothing my clothes out. "You know I sleep better in my own bed." I kiss him on the forehead, a puzzled look on Beck's face. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Love you!" He calls as I leave, and I wave to him, smiling before closing the trailer door behind me. I let my shoulders slump. What's wrong with me? Beck's great... he hasn't changed a bit, so why am I having to fake so much?

I check my phone as I walk to my car. Nine pm. I dial Cat's number, opening the car door and climbing in. She answers on the fifth ring. "Hey Jade!"

I drum my fingers on the steering wheel. "Hey Cat. Your parents home?"

"Yeah. They're asleep."

I happen to know that Cat's room is at the opposite end of her house to her parents room. And I also happen to know that her bedroom door locks. "Meet me out front in twenty minutes."

"'Kay 'kay."

I hang up, starting the car.

I pull up outside her house, pausing for a moment as I turn the off the ignition, the engine ticking over. What am I doing? I usually go to Beck after Cat, not the other way around, but I just feel so... so restless, so unsatisfied. I'm looking for something, but I'm not sure what, only that I didn't get it from Beck. I feel annoyed, pent up... I need to vent my frustration, and Cat's an excellent relaxation tool. I sigh, climbing out of the car and heading up Cat's driveway.

Cat's sitting on her stoop, shivering a little at the cold, her face lighting up when she sees me. She's wearing a hoodie over her pyjama top, and I want nothing more than to peel it off and see her marked flesh. It'd make me feel better, and the thought makes me pause. What do I need to feel better from?

She stands as I near her, and I sketch a wave at her, rubbing my arms to warm up. She hesitates as if she's debating whether to hug me or not. She decides against it, turning and letting me into the house, leading me to her room. She locks the door behind her as I go to sit on her bed, looking around her room with distaste. It's so goddamn bright and... and _flowery_.

Cat turns to me, studying my face. "Are you okay?"

I hate it when people ask me that. "Sure. I'm fine." I say flatly. Fuck. I'm sick of this. I cross to where she stands near the door, reaching around her to switch the light off, leaving only the glow of her lamp. I push her back against the door, jarring her shoulders a little, and she exhales hard. I move to kiss her immediately, my lips hard on hers, my hand tangled in her hair, forcing her head back. She gasps for breath, a little furrow in her brow, but she doesn't say anything, standing motionless while I essentially rip her hoodie off impatiently. I toss it aside, grabbing the hem of her shirt while she lifts her arms obediently. I push her back against the door again, kissing her passionately, my nails raking across her lower back, making her twitch against me. I pull away from her, backing away from her. "Take off your clothes." Cat nods, looking at me with wide eyes, her hands moving to the waistband of her pyjama pants.

She's never asked about Beck. That surprised me about Cat. No, what surprised me was this whole damn thing. To find out that Cat liked this. So I guess it isn't so surprising in comparison then, that she's never asked me about Beck. It's just that Cat's always seemed like the kind of person who really cared about her friends, who'd never hurt anyone if she could avoid it. It's another reason this whole situation doesn't make sense. She likes Beck, they're friends. Huh. Maybe that's why she never asks... she doesn't want to know, doesn't want to think that she's hurting Beck, which is funny if it's true. It means she thinks more about how this would hurt him than I do. I try not to think about it, I hate feeling guilty. It's just fucking. Beck's where my heart is. I push the thought of him out of my mind, focussing on watching Cat undress. I take satisfaction in seeing the dark marks on her tanned skin, striped across her body, like some secret code written in her skin. And only I know what it means.

She stands before me naked, her hands covering herself somewhat awkwardly, and it's strangely endearing. I don't see her fully naked that often... most of our encounters are vertical, out of sudden need. I study her appreciatively before pulling off my own shirt. I still smell like Beck.

Cat tries not to stare, sneaking furtive glances, her tongue darting out over her lips. If it's rare for me to see Cat naked, it's even rarer for Cat to see me. I keep my clothes on, because I'm not the one getting fucked. She is. But tonight... tonight I wanna feel her skin against mine, feel her muscles twitch against me. I undo the button of my jeans, tugging the zip down and shimmying out of them. I keep my underwear on, moving to her and grabbing her shoulders hard, Cat whimpering as my fingers press into the bruises I've made before. She doesn't make a move to touch me; she remembers the rules, and it makes me... it makes me a little disappointed. I push her back towards her bed a little harder than I mean to, Cat scooting back on it as I follow her down. I force her legs apart brusquely with my knee, pressing it against her core, Cat's breath catching before I capture her in a kiss, taking her bottom lip into my mouth and biting down. It's still tender from where I bit her before, and I feel the flesh open, the taste of Cat's blood flooding my mouth. I'm losing control... I'm being rougher than I want, rougher than I have been, but I can't seem to rein myself in. I kiss my way down Cat's neck as she puts a hand to her lip, whimpering, and I bite down on her collarbone, leaving an imprint of my teeth, just breaking the skin. She bucks against me as I work my way down to her breasts, my tongue flicking over her nipple before I latch on. I graze my teeth over it gently before taking it between my teeth, Cat moaning loudly as I increase the pressure. I release it, Cat's hips dropping back to the bed as I move to the opposite breast, dragging my tongue over the firm flesh. Her skin tastes like strawberries... her bodywash, and I bite into the flesh of her breast, relishing it. I'm starting to feel calmer, starting to control my actions more as I get my fill of her. I frown, my fingers scraping over her ribs. I was too rough because I was too eager. I... I missed this, I'd wanted this more than I'd acknowledged, even though it's only been a couple of days, even though I'd just had sex with Beck.

I pause in my descent down Cat's body, raising myself off her. I can see the beginnings of tears in her eyes, her fingertips bloody, and I feel a pang of guilt. I shouldn't have bitten her that hard, not when her lip was already injured. But she still hasn't asked me to stop. I pull her hand away, brushing my fingertips over her bottom lip gently. "I'm okay." She says softly, and I feel a rush of relief. It was stupid though. Even though she likes me hurting her, there has to be a limit. I set one for myself, and I just crossed it because I was too fucking eager. I take a deep breath. She's okay. My fingers brush the raised bitemark I've left on her breast, before tracing the curvature of the firm flesh. There's something about them I love.

I move my knee against her, brushing over her teasingly while Cat gasps. I can feel how wet she is already, and I resume my path down her body, moving my lips over the raised scratch marks I've left on her ribs. I drag my tongue along her stomach, feeling the muscles tighten in it, my hands on Cat's hips. I take a moment to kiss my way along her inner thigh, feeling it tremble underneath my lips. She's so vulnerable. I bring my tongue to her centre impatiently, the taste of her replacing the metallic tang of blood in my mouth. Cat moans softly, fighting to stop her hips from pushing into me. I find her clit, flicking over the sensitive nub with my tongue, Cat bucking despite herself. This... this is one area where you can't be rough, so I tighten my hands on her, holding her still, and carefully graze the hardened bud with my teeth, Cat shivering. I keep going, sucking lightly as Cat's moans grow louder, but... something doesn't feel right. I keep wondering, as I have been lately, what it'd be like. When I let her kiss me before, when I kissed her back, softly and gently... sincerely, it just made those thoughts of what it'd be like to fuck her that way even stronger. It's all I can think about; what would it be like?

I exhale in frustration, pulling away from her and swiping a hand across my mouth. It's driving me crazy. What would it be like? I wonder, what would it be like? Just over and over again, throbbing through my head. I can't take it anymore. I rest my hand on Cat's stomach, lying half on top of her. Her face is flushed, her breathing uneven, and she's looking at me curiously, wondering why I've stopped. "Cat... can I... can I try something?"

She tilts her head at my tone, nodding, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. This isn't right. I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be changing what this is, but it's driving me insane. I have to know what it's like.

I bring my lips to hers hesitantly, kissing her gently, closing my eyes tight. It takes her a moment to respond, surprised by it. I've never kissed her like this, never instigated anything like this. It's only ever been her. It... it makes me feel vulnerable, kissing her slowly, softly, taking my time, and I notice, for the first time, how soft her lips are, how sweet they are. How satisfying it feels to kiss her, and it makes my heart beat strangely, different to when I kiss her hard. When I kiss her, when I slam her into a wall and anchor my lips to hers, my heart beats hard in my chest, strong beats that pound through my body... but kissing her like this... my heart feels like it's shaking in my chest, a tremor running through me. I bring a hand to her face, my fingertips stroking over her cheek, and Cat makes a soft sound I've never heard before. I know it must still hurt her, to even kiss me at all, but she tilts her head, leaning up into me, deepening the kiss without changing it's softness. I pull away from her for a moment, my breath more unsteady than it ever has been. I'm not in control anymore, and the smart part of me, the rational part is begging me to stop here, because things have already changed now that I've kissed her like this. Like I love her. I look down, taking her hand from where it rests beside her and moving it onto my waist. "Y-you can touch me, if you want." Cat's eyes are wide, and when I take my hand away from hers I feel her fingers hesitate against my skin, like she's not sure if I mean it or not. I can't blame her. I've never let her touch me, and it's a bad idea to let her now. I kiss her again, shivering when she pulls me in closer, her hands skating across my back. I run my tongue over her lips, seeking permission... I've never done that before, never... never asked her. And this... this kissing her, caressing her tongue with mine, exploring her mouth in small flicks... I feel myself sink into her, and my heart and my head feel hot and heavy, filled with a liquid that makes my limbs shaky as it starts to pool in my stomach.

I break the kiss, our lips making a soft sound as they part, and I sip in a shallow breath, moving to her neck, planting gentle, deliberate kisses, and I feel Cat swallow hard, her pulse throbbing against my lips. I take a moment just to breathe before moving my hand down between her legs, resting on her inner thigh, Cat parting her legs wider willingly. My breath is matching Cat's, short, little breaths that tremor from the beating of our hearts, and the way she's looking at me... I can see she's a little scared, because this... this is real. This is sincere, and she can see that I'm breaking the rules, she can feel it changing, and it scares me too. I shouldn't be doing this, but I want to. I have to.

Cat's already so wet, and I slip my fingers into her easily, pushing slowly inside of her. Cat gasps, making a soft sound, and it makes own breath catch in my throat. She's never made sounds like this before... her moans, they're forced out by necessity, her breath gasped because she can barely breathe from sensation... but these? These little hiccups in her breathing, the soft little noises that tear at me... they're intimate... they're private. I curl my fingers inside her, stroking against her tight walls, Cat shuddering against me, and I'm pressed against her so tight, my skin against hers. I can feel every beat of her heart, every unsteady breath, every tensing of her muscles as pleasure trickles through her. I feel like I'm falling apart, panting against her throat, my lips tracing over her jawline.

I'd never felt that bad about fucking Cat. It was just fucking. I didn't feel like I was cheating on Beck, not really. I mean, I kissed her, I fucked her, but it didn't mean anything. I never let her touch me. It was just some physical thing that I enjoyed, that I was hooked on. It was an addiction I justified feeding. But I feel bad about this. This isn't just fucking... it's not fucking at all. The word's too harsh for what this is. I'm cheating on Beck. This means something.

I feel Cat start to tense, her grip tightening on me, and I stroke faster inside of her, in a spot I know she likes, her hips twitching against me. She exhales hard, and I know she's close, and then she's tilting my head up to her, her fingers under my chin. She kisses me softly, tenderly before she has to break away, pushed over the verge, and she's almost sobbing against my lips, clenching tight around my fingers as she comes.

I feel like something's broken in me, some vial that's shattered and gushed this thick fluid into my lungs that makes it so hard to breathe. I had to know. I had to know what it would be like. What it would be like to fuck her like... like I was in love with her. I know. I know what's it's like now, and I wish I didn't. Because it was too easy to do, it was too easy to be gentle, and sincere, and to do the things that lovers do.

Cat's confused. I'm still lying here, my arm is still draped over her stomach, my head still nestled into the crook between her neck and shoulder. I'm not getting up, I'm not pulling my clothes back on, I'm not saying a brusque goodbye. I'm not leaving her.

I shouldn't have done this. It's not something I can undo, and it's changed everything, because I can't pretend. I know now. It's not just fucking. It means something. It means everything. I've broken all the rules, and I realise why I made them in the first place. I didn't want this to happen, but it's happened anyway. I can't pretend I didn't feel something, that my heart didn't beat faster, that my breath didn't catch, that I didn't feel this thing run down my spine like a cold finger. I feel something for Cat, and it's become stronger than what I feel for Beck. Even while I tried to deny it, even while my addiction grew stronger, and I fucked her harder, bit deeper, bruised her more in an effort to prove, to _prove_ that I couldn't do those things if I cared about her. To show that I didn't care about her, that it was just fucking, just sex. Even while I tried to deny that I felt more alive with her than I did with Beck, that sex with her, even while she didn't touch me, still made me feel more than sex with Beck. Even while Beck noticed that I was drifting away, that I was somewhere else in my mind. That I was just waiting to be done with him so I could run to Cat.

I'm sorry Beck. I'm sorry for what I'm going to do.

**A/N: I enjoyed writing this entirely too much. Does this make me a bad person? I've asked that question before, and the answer remains the same: Yes, a little bit more each time.**

**But you know what? I'm fine with that. You never hear about good-asses, do you?**

**No. Only bad-asses.**

**There's no movie starring Will Smith called _Good Boys _(or _Good Boys II_). And you know what else? I don't want to live in a world where there is. I want my _Bad Boys _(and _Bad Boys II_), because you know what I'm gonna do? You know, when they come for you?**

**I'ma sit back in my fancy leather armchair, and write more smut. And then I'll have a cigar, and _I don't even smoke_.**

**Anyway. I'm still interested in writing a part in Cat's POV, so that'll be the next/last part, to tie everything in a hot, steamy bundle of... of just awesomeness.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Victorious, oh my, oh no, not mine.**

**Cat's Point of View**

It's weird. A part of me has always liked Jade. I don't know why exactly... she's so mean sometimes, but... I can't help but laugh at some of her insults. Does that make me bad? I called her my friend, but that didn't make it true. But she tolerated me, and that was enough. I just... I just like her. I... I can see something in her. I know she has a heart, even if she doesn't show it.

When... when she kissed me that day in the auditorium it... it confused me. She didn't... I mean... I didn't think she liked me that way. No. I knew she didn't, but there was just so much passion, so much force in it, so... so much anger. It made my heart beat faster... it made me feel funny.

People think they know me. They put me in a box and label it because it's easy. But they don't. They don't know me. They think that I'm some innocent little girl that doesn't know anything about sex. All the guys I've dated... they've always looked so surprised when I asked them to bite my lip, to be rougher. Most of them wouldn't do it... they were scared they'd hurt me. They couldn't understand why I liked it. They just wanted to be all snuggly and gentle, and... I mean, that's okay sometimes, but I get sick of it. Where's the passion? Where's the fire?

And then it happened again. And again. I knew Jade didn't love me, that she was just using me for.. well, I wasn't sure what, but somehow that just made it better. A part of me likes the idea of being used, to know that I was her dirty little secret. And the rougher she got the more it turned me on. There's something in me that loves being thrown about, to feel the adrenaline pump through me, to see the bruises she's left behind. It.. it just does something to me, turns my spine to rubber. I like the idea that Jade can do whatever she wants to me, that I'm just something for her to use and abuse.

Seeing Jade like that... seeing the looks she gives me, possessive, but with that lust... that almost anger in her eyes. She did what I wanted, what I'd always wanted. She wasn't afraid to hurt me, wasn't afraid to draw blood and hold me so hard I bruised.

There's this look she gets. It makes me so, so wet for her, pushes my heart up into my throat to see her look at me like that. Like she wants me. I... when I said I liked Jade... I meant... I _like_ Jade. She told me the rules... I wasn't allowed to touch her, or kiss her, or say I loved her. It was just sex, that's all. But sometimes, after I'd come and she'd lean against me, panting, I'd kiss her the way I wanted. Most of the time... most of the time she wouldn't kiss back, but she wouldn't push me away. She always left straight after... she barely even spoke to me, just left me to clean myself up, the taste of her thick in my mouth, my body still throbbing with pain and pleasure.

I wasn't allowed to say I love her, but I... I did. Love her, that is. I don't know if she knew. She never said anything. I think it was just sex to her. The things she does to me... I couldn't do them to her. I can't hurt anyone, I wouldn't want to hurt her... I think that confused her. How I could be so gentle, but it's because I cared. Everytime she kissed me, I'd kiss her back like I meant it. No, it wasn't just sex. There was too much passion for that. You can't do those things to someone if you don't feel anything.

I knew when she was done with me she went to see Beck. It... it hurt. It reminded me that whatever I felt for her... she didn't feel for me. That at the end of the day, it was Beck she went home with, not me. But then... in the bathroom, when she told me not to make a sound... she let me kiss her, and... and she kissed me back, so gently, so softly, and I'd felt my heart beat even harder than when she'd been inside me. It confused me so much. Did... did she like me? It sounds weird, wondering if the person you're sleeping with likes you, but it's so hard to tell with Jade. She keeps everything inside, but sometimes I saw these flickers in her eyes when she looked at me.

I knew something was wrong when she called me that night, when she showed up, her eyes tracing over me with this frustration in them. She barely said a word to me before she was pushing me against my door, tearing my clothes off. I was even more sure when she took hers off. She... she never took her clothes off, and I tried not to stare. I didn't want her to notice and put them back on again. She... she was rougher than usual. She bit my lip so hard, and it hurt so, so much I couldn't help but whimper, put my hand to it to stop the blood. It'd made tears start in my eyes, but I'd seen the look on her face when she pulled back, putting her fingers to my lips. It was guilt... it was anger, but at herself. And then my face had been flushed, that pleasure starting to pool in my stomach from the flicking of her tongue, when she'd pulled away with a sigh.

What she'd done... how she'd kissed me, how she'd touched me... I'd felt like my heart was too big, like it was just gonna burst out of me because it felt so hot and ached so much. It wasn't just sex, it was love. She didn't leave. She actually stayed, her arms wrapped around me. And she was there when I woke up, albeit dressed. She'd kissed me so softly, so tenderly, my heart galloping because I knew that this is what Beck must feel like, this must be how she kisses him. And then it sank, because I'm not Beck. I'm not the one she's with. And then she'd left, face set and determined, and I wondered what this was, if it meant as much to her as it did to me, because it felt real. It felt like she loved me.

My phone rings, and I answer it with a little less enthusiasm than usual, not even bothering to check who it is. I'm still so confused... I've been thinking over it all day. What happened with Jade... I've never had something like that with someone. I've never had anyone touch me like she does, and the way she did last night... I've never had someone look at me like that. Like they loved me. But maybe that's the whole point. I've _never_ had someone look at me like that, touch me like that. I have no basis for comparison. Just because I love her doesn't mean she loves me, no matter what it felt like.

"Cat speaking!" I say, my cheer a little forced.

"Hey Cat, can... can you meet me at my house in like... half an hour?"

It's Jade. The smile falters on my lips. "S-sure."

She hangs up, and I let out a breath I hadn't realised I was holding. Nothing's changed. What happened last night was... it didn't mean as much to her as it did to me. She would've said something. But I'm not about to say no to her. I know the rules, she's made it clear it was just sex, and I was stupid to think it was anything more on her part. I just hoped...

Jade's house isn't that far from mine, so I walk. I need the time to think. I don't wear my best clothes; they're only going to get ripped off anyway. I know I said I like being used, but... I'd still hoped... it's stupid. Jade's got Beck, and there's no way she'd leave him just to be with me. Beck's so much better than I am. It's a nice day. The sun's just starting to set, the air starting to get chilly. I like this time of day. The further I walk, the more I can feel my body warming up, anticipating what's going to happen. But my mind is still in turmoil. I don't know if I can do this, not now I know what it could be like. Not now I know how I'd feel if she did love me. But she doesn't, and I wish she hadn't touched me the way she did. It's changed everything.

I'm covered in goosebumps by the time I reach her house, my body already supersensitive and starting to throb. I'm not going to stop whatever she wants to do. It's just going to hurt on the inside as well as the outside. She answers the door almost as soon as I knock, pulling me inside. She seems agitated, pacing back and forth while I sit meekly on her bed. I'm a little nervous... my body's taken a lot of abuse from her recently, I'm not sure it can take much more. I know I'm a release for her, but I don't heal overnight. I run my tongue over my injured lip, feeling it throb angrily. It certainly can't take any more.

She sighs finally, turning to me. "I broke up with Beck."

Stunned doesn't begin to describe my reaction. I can't even process the words. They don't make any sense. Why would she break up with Beck? She loves him.

I clap my hands over my mouth when I realise I'd said it aloud, addressed the question to Jade. She's made me leave for less.

She sighs again, moving to sit on the bed, her back pressed against the headboard. I turn to face her from where I'm seated at the bottom of the bed. I've upset her.

"Cat..." Jade begins, chewing her lip, and my heart melts a little when she glances up at me. "I broke up with Beck because... because of what we're doing."

I feel my heart sink with guilt. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to... to hurt you or Beck."

Jade raises her hand, cutting me off. "You know why I kissed you that day in the auditorium, Cat?"

I shake my head mutely.

"Because I was pissed. Beck said you were cute, and I was jealous."

I frown, my eyebrows furrowing. "I don't understand..."

"It was supposed to be revenge. I... I don't know. It was stupid. What I'm saying is; that day I kissed you... I did it out of anger. It didn't mean anything to me."

I bite my lip, nodding. I don't like this kind of pain. I can't control it.

Jade picks at the seam of her jeans absentmindedly. "But... it... it means something now." She glances up at me again, but I'm frozen, staring at her with wide eyes. "Last night... it was more than just sex. It made me realise it's been more than that for a while now. I broke up with Beck because... because I want to be with you."

My mind's a blank. I should be doing something. I should be saying something. I can't move. "B-but what about the rules?" I manage to stutter. It was better when I couldn't speak.

Jade smiles. "I think I've already broken all the rules."

My heart starts beating again, way too fast, and I crawl up to Jade, this pent up thing inside me. There's no more rules. She... she wants to be with me. She even... she even broke up with Beck, for _me_. I can kiss her. I crawl until I'm so close to her, Jade tilting her face towards me, her lips slightly parted. I can really... I can really kiss her, and my gaze flicks between her eyes and her lips, because I still feel like this is a trick, like it can't be real. I take a short breath before I lean in the last few inches, shutting my eyes tight and hoping.

My lips brush hers softly, and I keep it tentative, still unsure. But she's not pushing me back, she's not kissing me forcefully and overpowering me... she's letting me kiss her, and she's responding with the same gentleness as last night. My arms tremble from where they're supporting me as I lean in closer. My body was ready before I even came here, and this... this is melting me. It's making me shake, making me lose control of my muscles. Jade's hands move onto my waist, supporting me a little, and I moan softly as she deepens the kiss even further. I shift forward a little, feeling my arms start to buckle, Jade's thigh sliding between my legs. My breath hitches, and I break away from the kiss. I can't breathe. My lungs are deflating balloons that I can't blow up again. Jade swallows hard, licking her lips, eyes tracing over my face. "Cat... I... I want you to..." She trails off, switching her attention to my hand, lifting it off the bed so that I press heavier against her, my balance thrown off. She tries again, "I want you to..." she presses my hand against her breast, and I can feel the softness, contrasted with the hardness of her nipple, pressing into my palm even through her shirt.

My eyes flick between where my hand is and Jade's face. I'm scared to move my hand. I'm scared to move at all. I'm scared to even breathe. I've never... I've never done this before... with her, or with... with any girl. I don't think I can take the responsibility. "J-jade... I..." I don't know what to say. I've wanted, _so much, _to do this... I never thought I'd get the chance. I don't want to disappoint her, I don't want to make her change her mind. She feels my fingers trembling against her, giving me a light kiss.

"I- I want you to. It's okay." Jade nods reassuringly as I hesitate. "You can touch me."

I take a deep breath, moving to kiss her again. I have more confidence if I can't see what I'm doing, if I can't think about it too much. I start to lose myself in the kiss, leaning against her more heavily, my tongue tracing over her lips. My hand starts to move, cupping her breast, thumb flicking over the clothed nipple, and Jade makes a soft sound that makes me throb. It's unbearable, this urge I have. I relied on Jade to sate it... and now I have to satisfy her own urges. I have to give her what she's given me. The thought of... of touching her, of making her feel what she's made me feel... it sends a shiver up my spine.

I feel my heart start to pound heavily in my chest, my skin flushing unbearably hot as Jade's kisses stoke the fire in me even higher. I sit back as Jade's fingers tug at the hem of my shirt, lifting my arms as she pulls it off, my hair spilling around my shoulders. I move my hands to the bottom of Jade's shirt, just as eager to see it off her. I'm still not used to her seeing her unclothed. I don't think I ever will be. She sits up, aiding me as I pull it over her head, tossing it aside and moving almost immediately to kiss her again, my fingers playing over the newly exposed skin. Her skin is so soft, so warm under my fingertips, and I can feel her muscles shiver as I move over them. "Cat..." Jade says unsteadily, swallowing thickly.

I'm amazed. She's always been the one in charge... I've never seen her so vulnerable. It gives me an amazing sense of power, that I'm making her feel this way. That she's showing me this side of herself. I put my hand on her shoulder gently, Jade understanding and scooting her body down further, sliding down the headboard so that we're more horizontal. Her hands brush my torso, and I look down to see her fumbling with the button to her jeans, pulling the zipper down so that I catch a glimpse of her panties. I'm actually going to... to touch her there. I move off her for a moment, shedding the rest of my clothes quickly, Jade watching appreciatively. I like the way she looks at me, like I'm made just for her. She reaches behind her back, working for a moment before her bra loosens. I stare with wide eyes. I'm like a kid in a candy store, except I want Jade even more than I want candy.

She's beautiful. She's always been beautiful, but even more now than I could have imagined. She's perfect, that's the only way I can put it. Her breasts are bigger than mine, fuller, the skin smooth and pale. I want to touch them, see if they feel as good as they look like they would, but Jade's fingers are hooked under the waistband of her jeans, her hips lifting off the bed, and they distract me. I help her drag them off, revealing the toned flesh of her thighs. Her thumbs hook in the side of her panties as well, and I bite my lip, moving to help her drag them down slowly. I can feel the heat radiating from her, feel her muscles tremble in her thighs as my nails scrape over the taut flesh, pulling down the dark underwear. I position myself back up beside her, holding myself off her. I just... I need to look at her. Part of me still isn't sure this is real, so I want to remember this. Jade's finger slides under my chin, tilting my head up to meet her, and I shudder as our bodies press together. Her breasts just feel so good against mine. It's... _unh_. I feel that strong pull in me, the one I usually feel when Jade's fingers tiptoe across my inner thigh, teasing me, when I know she's about to... to... you know.

I can't stop my fingers from skating down over her stomach. I'd like to play with her, with all these new things that have been revealed. I'd like to take my time, but I don't want Jade to get impatient. I wanna make her feel good, not satisfy my own curiosity, as much as I might be tempted to. Jade might be able to tease me, to hold off and torture me, but I can't. I want... I want to make her feel so good, to show her that this isn't a mistake. To... to stop her having second thoughts... to show her I'm just as good as Beck, that'll I'll do anything to please her.

My eyes flicker shut as my fingers brush over her. I can feel how wet she is. Oh. She's so wet. F-for me. I shudder, pressing my fingers further and finding her clit, Jade's breath catching. I flick my trembling fingers over the sensitive nub, Jade gasping, her body jerking. Oh. I feel myself grow even wetter, trying to stop myself from grinding on her thigh, this hot, liquid feeling spreading through me, sizzling in my veins. Every sound she makes, every little gasp, every little breath with her voice in it... they're sounds I haven't heard before. They're sounds she's making because of me. And when I move my fingers move down further, feeling the slight resistance meeting my pushing fingers, I shudder. I'm going to be inside her. I push slowly, the flesh giving under my fingers. I want to feel the exact moment I'm inside her. I glance quickly at Jade, and she's biting her lip, her breath held. I feel it give suddenly, my fingers slipping inside of her, and it's like a release, Jade's breath shuddering out as I gasp one in. She's hot, and wet, and tight around my fingers, and I can feel her muscles twitch around my fingers, like slick velvet. I feel something drop inside me, sending a pulse of pleasure, of longing through me. I start to move my fingers inside of her, Jade moaning. I've never heard her moan before. The sound sends tickles up my spine, and I feel my hips grind on her thigh a little, sending a rush through me. I can't help it. It feels so good.

I shake my head. I have to focus on Jade. I curl my fingers inside her, Jade's hips pushing up into me as I thrust. "Oh, Cat..." She moans, her voice softer than I've ever heard it, so pleading. It's like a bucket of ice water dumped in my veins, making all my nerves prickle. I'm touching her... I'm actually touching Jade. She's moaning my name, and my fingers are inside of her. I feel a throb between my legs, demanding attention, but I try to ignore it, moving my fingers more vigorously, stroking Jade's tight walls. Jade's breath is growing ragged, her chest heaving against mine, and I can't stop myself from grinding on her, needing some relief. Jade arches her back off the bed, her thigh sliding between my legs, pressing hard against me, and I can't stop a soft moan escaping, my eyes fluttering, pleasure pulsing through me.

"_Hnh_, J-Jade..." I stutter out brokenly, wanting to tell her to keep doing that and wanting to tell her to stop so I can focus at the same time. I lick my lips, closing my eyes briefly to concentrate. My body's thrumming, aching for her, throbbing in places where she's broken the skin, left me sore. I move my fingers in her faster. I want to make Jade feel good... I need to or I'm going to explode.

"C-Cat?" Jade moans, sending a thrill through me. Her breath catches and I feel my heart stutter in my chest. She... she's close. Oh. She's close. My breath shudders out and I move inside her harder, stroking determinedly. I'm... I'm going to make her... oh, I want to make her...

Jade tenses, her hips rising up off the bed, her body pressing into me so hard, and I feel her clench around my fingers, muscles spasming. My breath comes out in a sob, it's like there's a hand squeezing my chest, making it hurt in such a good way. Jade lets out a soft moan, her voice choking off. "Oh God, Cat-" I can't help but moan in response, hearing her say my name like that - it melts me into a gooey puddle of Cat.

She starts to relax, and I move my hand away, still slick with her. I don't know what to do. I want to hold her, to snuggle up against her, but I'm unsure. I don't want to push my luck. But I can't move. I can't move off her, can't lift myself up. I'm in awe. I just... I made her come. She... she moaned my name. I close my eyes briefly, my body twinging. Jade lifts my head, still panting lightly, bringing her lips softly to mine. I smile, my lips trembling. "Did I do good?" I say in a small, hopeful voice.

"You did great, Cat. You did great." Jade smiles back, and I feel a different kind of glow inside me. It's warm, and bright, and it's like a ray of sun lighting me up from the inside. I snuggle into Jade with a grin, wrapping my arms around her while she drapes her hands across my back.

There's this hot feeling in my heart... it's happiness. It's a little scary, but I can't stop it. I'm so happy. I never thought... never even hoped to dream that anything like this could happen. I didn't know why Jade was doing this, I didn't question it. I didn't want it to stop. I kept my feelings inside, though not very well... but she... she did it even better. She doesn't love me. I can't hope for that... I can't the stop the thrill that runs through me at the thought, Jade's hands stroking the skin of my lower back. But this is enough. Just being here, knowing that she wants me, _me, _Cat... it's enough. She's the only one that's ever given me what I want, the only one that isn't scared or freaked out by what I am. She understands, because she's my opposite. We fit together, and it's perfect. We did great.

**A/N: Please review. It'd mean every so much. Sorry for the delay, but I've been skiving off from my responsibilities.**

**So please, review and let my me know what you thought. I'd be my usual hilarious self, but I'm literally asleep right now. Yes, that's right, I'm typing this in my sleep.**

"**Great," you say, but it's not. All I can sleep-write is A/N's. Anything else and it turns kinky ;)**

"**Oh." You say in disappointment, looking at your feet.**

"**Ohhhhh," you say as you realise I said the word kinky.**

"**OHHHHH!" What can I say? You really like the word kinky.**


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